Blog Post 2: Born in the U.S.A.

 TW: Talk of Mental Illness 

 

To Whom It May Concern:

 

Pain (noun) : a. a localized or generalized unpleasant bodily sensation or complex of sensations that causes mild to severe physical discomfort and emotional distress and typically results from bodily disorder (such as injury or disease)

 

B. mental or emotional distress or suffering

 

So I started a new job on Monday. It’s a beautiful hotel, with a very friendly and supportive staff, and for the most part, the people are… good. I think “good” is really all I can ask for right now, because I’m very much in mental pain. Pain is not an easy thing to talk about because when you say you’re in pain, people tend to view you differently. It’s not speculation to say that, it’s merely factual, because I’ve seen it happen, and it’s happened to me. I tend to be cheerfully nihilistic about the pain I’m in, because it helps me forget whatever it is I’m struggling with at that moment. Joking about my pain somehow negates the pain, and negates the stigma, and makes me feel like people won’t look at me any differently. But, if I’m being truthful, and honest, which is exactly what I promised myself when I started this blog, laughing about my pain just makes it worse, because the pain is serious. Mental and/or physical. 

 

It’s funny, often times I feel people look at me, and could think “well, he’s a kid who has everything.” And yet somehow it isn’t enough, is it? What else do I need? Nothing! Nothing at all. Yet for some reason, the mental speed racing I do in a day is something to behold. I’m sure a lot of you can empathize with my mental health, because you have struggles of your own! Being depressed isn’t crying all the time. In fact, I hardly ever cry. I’ve teared up a lot, never really was much of a crier. I hide my emotions fairly well. Sometimes working through complex emotions can be incredibly difficult… I mean, no one ever said complexity was easy, did they? I’ve met a couple so-called “rich” people in my life, and I can tell you for a fact, they’re very complex people. We, as a collective society think money is the answer to ALL the problems life tends to barrel our way, however, it only scratches the surface. 

 

Nobody trusts billionaires like Bill Gates, or Jeff Bezos, and talk about how criminal it is that they don’t pay tax. What’s criminal, is that their employees work for hours on end in awful conditions, and they get slammed with high taxes, wages that have stayed stagnant, growing only in pennies per fiscal year for the past, I don’t know 30+ years, housing that would be affordable if you worked nearly 24/7, and food that’s as healthy as a toilet seat in a taco bell. Yeah, money doesn’t solve all your problems. Sure as shit helps solve a bulk of them, though.

 

Money is a tangible object that can be thrown away the minute we decide basic human rights aren’t expendable, throw out our collective greed, and do some good for our kids, and their kids. No one ever wants to hear that, though. Oh, and who are you to look down upon someone for their occupation? How dare you judge someone because they were and are subjected to a different/better/worse life than you? People like to talk about how “entitled” Millennials and Gen-Z’ers are, but has anyone EVER stopped to look in the mirror and maybe think YOU’RE the problem? “You sound bitter,” yeah, I AM bitter. I’m confused all the time and I’ve been brainwashed to think that I should hate the very people I have the most sympathy for. Here’s a novel idea for you all. Instead of shifting the blame, and pointing the finger, maybe some self-reflection is in order? I know I’ve done some awful things in my life, and I’m man enough to admit it, look inward, understand why it was wrong, and how I should and could move forward from it?

 

I just want to make sure I’m doing my best every day. I hope you do your best. What I’ve come to learn is you do the best you are capable of as a human being. I can’t sit here and TEACH you to not hate a certain person, or people. I can’t sit here on my high horse and teach you what should be natural. Remember: we’re the ONLY species with a form of currency? Nature’s currency is the system of predator prey, and I think cannibalism isn’t a good idea. If something kills us, that’s the circle of life, we all die eventually. It’s up to you to do the work to sit and listen to the experiences of everyone you speak with. Some people are not going to want to speak to you. But if they listen? It is up to you to reveal yourself, and that includes your flaws and your ignorance towards whatever it is you have to learn about. I know I have a lot to learn… do you know what you have to learn?